His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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