There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
and you fell through a lawn chair
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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