4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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