oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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