you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
