I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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