Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
