He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
