she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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