Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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