You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Pooping to opera.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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