Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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