as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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