Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
