If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
