I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Farmville is her only friend.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
