Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
