She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I need help removing her.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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