Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
