I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
