I wanna bring you to show and tell
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
