I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
