Soap is not a condiment
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
