Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
