can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
