The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
