she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
