The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
