Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
what the fuck happened to the tacos
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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