i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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