I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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