the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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