Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
