I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
