Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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