So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
