Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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