i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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