considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
