am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
