Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
