Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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