I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize