so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
