Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
