I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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