Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
