Apparently you make a good broom.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Every concussion has its silver lining
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
