Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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