I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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