I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
